Friday, May 22, 2009

WARNING(S)


www.weblogs.baltimoresun.com

Ever wonder what it would be like if people came with warning labels?

Yesterday a friend asked me what my warning label would be, if I came with one. I know his intent was to provoke a short, pithy answer, but the question really got me thinking. (Hint: Don't ask a writer for anything unless you're prepared to read their entire answer.)

Would interactions between people be easier if we came with warning labels, or would those warnings reduce our relationships to polite but distant exchanges? Would we ever think it would be worth the time and effort to really get to know someone, or would we write them off based on their warnings? For that matter, do we already write people off based on labels?? (Hint: You shouldn't have to think on that question too long.)

When I tried to write my own warning label I couldn't help thinking of several other people I could write labels for much more easily. And while I'm sure my friends and family could add several more warnings to my label, I'm just thankful God already knows all of the warnings, including the ones I can't see for the "plank in my own eye." The even better news is, He's still working on me.

So, without further ado, here's my warning label:

WARNING(S): While generally proven reliable in tests, there have been reports of starting difficulties, particularly during early morning hours and in cold weather. If unit will not start, prime engine with 1-2 cups of coffee and wait one hour. There have also been reports of problems shutting unit off at night. This technical difficulty is easily remedied with a glass of milk and any book. To accelerate shutdown, place in bed and cover with a goose down comforter.

Due to age, unit is prone to overheating. When this happens, simply turn a fan on high or set the AC on low until temperature regulates.

This particular model may occasionally become discouraged, anxious, worried, or just plain weary. To remedy these situations, whisper truth directly into the heart (Isaiah 40:28-31, Proverbs 3:6, or Philippians 4:6-7, depending on its condition) and let unit rest as long as necessary. In case of hurt feelings, it may be helpful to remind her that she is, “God’s baby girl,” and treat her like the princess she is.

Finally, in rare situations unit may act impulsively, sometimes changing direction entirely. If this happens, simply hold on tightly and wait for emotions to subside. Unit should self-correct in due time.

NOTE: This model includes the following modules: Cooking, Wine Tasting, Love of the Arts (Books/Music/Movies/Plays), Creative Writing, Sense of Humor, Loyalty, Encouragement, and Ability to Drive a Straight Shift. This model is NOT equipped with the following optional modules: Diva Personality, Camping, Skiing (water or snow), Crafting, Money Saving, Gardening, Puzzle Solving, or Enjoyment of Sushi.

Photo #2: www.thewritersworkshop.com